I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Randomize
