why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
