Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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