you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
