i just had sex bonerless
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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