Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
