I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Randomize
