think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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