Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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