the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
