Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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