How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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