He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
