some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can you bring me the toilet please
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
