Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
