No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Randomize
