My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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