Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
