Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
