Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
