we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
