OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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