I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
