A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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