I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Randomize
