oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
