4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
