Im at strip club and am horny
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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