Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
