first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
