Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I just gargled with NyQuil
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
