bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
