Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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