Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
sex in a hospital.. check
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
