if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
