help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
