Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
