Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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