Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
