I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
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