Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
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