yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
a search helicopter?!
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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