This is not my ceiling
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Floor bacon is actually really good
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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