You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
