so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
