first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Randomize
