1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
