The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
