My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
