So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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