woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
