that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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