My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
