Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
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