i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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