U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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