Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
