this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
